Coloring for Joy

"So I was sitting there coloring a Disney princess... I mean playing with my lovely daughter Elleyana and..."

I'm going to be honest, I love being a dad for lots of reasons.  One is that after years of being "too old" I get to do all kinds of great stuff again.  I go down slides, I play with toys, and I get to color without being judged by others.  The only time I get embarrassed is when I look up from playing with plastic animals and realize that Elle had left the room about 15 minutes earlier and I am still sitting on the carpet watching princess fancypants and prince awesome fight the evil monster Beiberfever. 

Almost everyone, at one time or another, decides they are "too cool" or "too mature"  to do things they once loved.  I can remember the sad look in my dad's eyes the day I asked him to drop me off a little bit farther away from school, so my friends wouldn't see me give him a hug and kiss goodbye.  (If you're wondering: he kindly obliged and I kept my honor intact.)  

When I stop and look around it seems like everyone, at least in my generation, is always changing, always adapting, always trying to grow up and get to where they think they should be.  We are perpetual self-proclaimed underachievers who can't seem to get where we need to be.  There is always more and there is always better. 

There’s a great quote by John Ortberg in one of his books where he talks about this “incurable itch.”  He says: “Everybody thinks he needs one thing to make himself rich: more.”

I think there are two reasons that we aren’t finding satisfaction.

1.      We’re looking in the wrong place.

2.      We’re looking for the wrong things.

This week instead of working more hours so you can afford to buy the golf clubs you have wanted for so long, you could take out your old beat up ones and watch your son/daughter/wife accidently put a golf ball through a basement window (if you’re lucky it be will the window of your neighbor’s house who is always complaining about your lawn).  At first it may not seem so great, but it will be a fantastic story next weekend.

Or maybe you could try turning of your cell phone and computer for a day and enjoy some peace and quiet with the people that love you most - sure you might miss a hilarious joke from @dscrabeck on twitter, but let's face it, he'll have another one on Monday.

Remember, joy doesn’t come with more, it comes when you learn to be thankful for what you have.

The secret agenda of coffee creamer

Yesterday I drank my first full cup of  unsweetened coffee.   For those of you who don't drink coffee, once the sugary veil of vanilla flavored internation delight creamer is torn away, coffee tastes a lot like sanitized dirt.  The creamer just tricks you into believing it tastes good.


 I didn't start drinking coffee until I was about 23, mostly because my dad used to drink coffee this way and I thought it was disgusting.  Although the taste is not as bad as I anticipated, I am probably not ready to give up my standard watered-down caffeine boost (also known as my coffee flavored vanilla smoothie).  It was the fluff that got me to start drinking coffee, and truthfully I'd like to keep it that way.


In life we water things down when the truth (or at least admitting the truth) frightens us.  Watering things down (or in my coffee's case - sugar watering things down) is something we do when we feel guilty and want to justify ourselves. 


For example:
- "I didn't cheat, I accidently saw their answer.  What?  Should I have put down the wrong answer  because I have great eyesight?"
- "It's only a scratch, I barely hit that telephone pole."
- " I didn't forget, I refused to participate.  Valentines day is just a scam created by greeting card companies to steal the money of naive fools."


At the time it seems relatively harmless, however, watering things down can have eternal consequences.  In fact, we live in a time where we are surrounded by watered-down ideas about God and what the Bible says about Him.  In the world people water down God sometimes by saying that there is a "universal intellegence" and that there are many ways to him... or her (I just threw up a little writing that - just to be clear, not my opinion).  In the church people have watered down God and His word as well.  Things that used to be accepted as sin are now "gray areas."  To some groups, even mentioning sin makes you judgemental and proves that you don't understand how great God's grace is.


Now, I am certaintly not one to say that the Bible is always clear and easy to understand - but there are things that are not up for interpretation.  Some things are black and white.   The tricky thing is that to find out what those things are you can't read this blog - or any other blog, and please... please don't form personal opinions from reading wikipedia or watching... (I'm going to stop before I accidently offend anyone.)   The point is that whole churches and even denominations are being misled because they listen to someone's words instead reading God's word.  In Acts 17 we read:" Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."  They weren't doing this because they didn't trust Paul, they did it because they took their faith and belief seriously.  I admire a lot of pastors and teachers, but I am responsible for my relationship with God, and so there is only one source that I trust completely that I use to form my beliefs (and no, I'm not talking about twitter).

I have one disclaimer as I end:  Even wrong opinions can still have some scripture to back them up.  It can be easy to prove  your point (in your opinion) if that's all you want to do.  But we shouldn't seek to prove our already formed opinions, we should should seek to find the truth of what God's words says.   To find the truth it requires  looking at the WHOLE word of God.  The parts that sound nice and the one's that are harder to read. 

And after you've read everything, - if you still have questions read my blog (kidding, reread fifth paragraph).

My grandma made me do it

 "Be imitators of me, as I also am of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1)

I'm stubborn.  You may disagree with me, but I don't care - because I'm even stubborn about being stubborn.  Stubbornness is something that supposedly runs in families... at least mine I'm told.  Mike got dad's height.  Kerry got dad's attention to detail.  I got dad's music ability, and all five of us received his stubbornness. 

In research for this blog I called a good friend who works at Johns Hopkins and he informed that there is currently no known "stubborn gene."  (I actually did very little research and made up this friend, but someday I think it would be cool to be able to do that.)    We do, however, pick things up from those around us who are influential.   It could be a parent, friend, coworker, neighbor, friend, or child.

It's true! If you spend a significant amount of time with anyone, whether a positive or negative influence, eventually you will probably start picking up phrases and in some situations even habits from them.

For example, after becoming a youth pastor I found myself saying things like: "Check out this sweet action."  ... I know, right?    Now in a youth pastor/ youth group situation who is the primary influencer?  Hopefully the pastor... but the influence does not just happen one way.  Both parties influence each other - it might not be planned, but it happens.

This week I want you to pay attention to influence.  First pay attention to who is watching you - who is learning from your actions and attitudes, and seeing how you respond to different good and bad situations.  And then pay attention to your influencers.  What are you doing because you were told "this is the thing to do?"  (Side note - I'm very ok with Oprah retiring.)  Whose influence is reflected in the words you say, and the attitude that you have?  Sometimes people that we haven't seen in years are still a driving force in our behavior - it may be time to kill that influence.  Pay attention because, like in the futuristic novel 1984, we are all being watched.  Well, not at all like that but...   You get it.  You get it.

Christian Chameleons

There's a show on TV right now about a "regular" family that lives in a small town in Indiana.  In this family there is a teenage girl.  This girl is all but unknown by everyone outside of her family, three or four classmates, and a few others.  It's kind of a running joke - the mom will ask a teacher or coach about Sue, and they will have no idea who she is.  Funny - right?  When it happens on the show it is so awkwardly sad that it is impossible to not feel absolute compassion for this fictional character.  The amazing thing is that, somehow, amidst being rejected by nearly all of the outside world, Sue somehow turns everything around and can truly find something bright and happy through it.  She refuses to let others influence her view on life.

I wish I was like that.  I wish I could live ignorant of the world's opinion of me and simply live the life that I'm called to live.

Sometimes I care too much about how I'm perceived by others, so I change my behavior or attitude to better match what seems appropriate.  I want everyone to like me.  But as Christians we are called to stand apart- not to be chameleons who can blend in or hide out when it's convenient.  This is difficult in itself, but the problem is that is not just the world that we hide our true selves from; it can often be other believers as well.

Our fear of rejection problem can manifest itself it two difficult ways.

1.  We don't want to be rejected because of our faith among non-believers so we hide our beliefs and have started down the path of compromising (a whole topic in itself for another time).
2.  We don't want to be rejected because of our sin among believers so we hide it and don't get the help that a community can provide.


The push an pull from these two groups of people can drive you crazy.  We are trying to hide sins from one group so they accept us, and show our sins to the other so they accept us.  This can't be right.

Is it possible for us to live an honest, transparent, and uncompromising life and not be rejected by anyone?  Maybe, maybe not - but regardless of what others think - that is the life we are all called to live.

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting what is behind I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which  God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven." - Philippians 3:13 - 14

We aren't perfect yet, but we can't allow imperfections to keep us from continuing to pursue God's working in our life.  We can't  let fear of rejection from people who question our beliefs or our weaknesses to make us lose sight of the one who accepts all who are willing to come to Him. Even though, to Him, nothing is hidden.  He sees us as we are, and still loves us.   Something powerful can happen when we allow others to see what God is doing inside of us.  The question is: Can we be a people that is willing to take the risk of rejection in order to be the light of the world?

How to become a perfect failure.

^"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus."  Philippians 3:12

If you are like me, at the completion of reading the above passage of scripture, you are probably humming "Eye of the Tiger" and have started planning your workout regimen of prayer and bible reading so that you can 'beat the bus' in life's spiritual marathon.  This is a great verse... it's an inspiring verse - but there's another verse that I believe we should always read directly following it.

 ^"And He has said to me, 'grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

This is complicated. We have two verses, both written by Paul: one speaks of striving towards perfection and the other one talks about boasting about weakness.  So are we supposed to try to be perfect or boast about weakness: both.  (Boasting, might be a bit strong here: "Hey guys, check out how angry I get!")  The point here is that we are made perfect through God's grace - it's not something we could do by our self.  We should strive to become more like Christ, but we need to realize it is not our doing.


I have been wrestling with an idea for a couple of weeks now.  What if it's because of this balance (being perfect vs. showing weakness) that the church is so often viewed as "a bunch of hypocrites" (and quite correctly sometimes)?  Maybe the problem isn't that we make mistakes - but that we so painstakingly (and unsuccessfully) try to hide them.  It's almost as if we are trying to hide the grace of God in our lives.   Instead of hiding our imperfections we should be showing how God takes them and redeems them. We do need to put sin behind us and move forward - but we should not hide the grace that God has shown us. 

We don't like scars because they are ugly and remind of us past pain, but scars also show something else - healing.   It's my opinion that we should be sharing Jesus with the world through our love, but also through our scars.   People can relate to pain, they can't relate to perfection. I am positive that no one has ever looked at me and said: "how can I reach that level of perfection?" (And for obvious reason.)  However, if I can show them the grace that Jesus has shown me in my weakness, that's different.  Grace is something that every imperfect person craves.

I have some more thoughts on this subject, but I'm interested in what you think... so let's hear it.

Remote Controlled Life

A few years ago, some good friends gave us the gift of Tivo.  Tivo changed the way we watch TV.  In the little amount of time we have to sit down and watch a show, we no longer have to settle for the junk that is currently on, or mess with VHS tapes.  I simply hit record for a particular show before it starts, and then I watch it when I want to.  I am in control. Speaking of control - the remote for Tivo is incredible.  You can pause, fast forward, rewind, and even go into slow motion with this thing.  When watching a football game, the Tivo remote gives me the capability to find out if a pass play really was a completion or not well before the officials. 

There is something dangerously compelling about control.  Once you taste it, it's hard to rely on anyone or anything else -and why would we?  If it is possible to simply choose a plan, do it the way we want, and get the results we want - why would we ever do anything different?  This is, in fact, what a lot of us try to do.  We do what we want, the way we want it done, but when we don't get the results we want everything falls apart.  We find out that maybe we aren't in control after all, and we hate it.

-We spend months trying to sell a house, or find a job, or reaching out to unsaved family members, and no matter what we do - we don't get what we want.

One of the most important passages of Scripture for me in the past few years comes from the book of James.  The author writes...

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.' Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.  Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.' (James 4:13 - 15, NASB)

The obvious message here is that we should seek God's plan instead of own, but it also teaches us something about disappointment.

Most, if not all, of our disappointments come from our own unmet expectations.  Of course there are times when we fail God, or family, or friends and we need seek forgiveness.  BUT, a lot  of our disappointment comes because we have this terrible compulsion to be in control - and we're not. 

I just re-read a part of a book where the author talks about this very thing.  He says: "I want desperately for things to go 'how they're supposed to.'  Which is another way of saying 'how I want them to,' which is another way of saying 'according to my plan" (Rob Bell, Drops like Stars). 

We all do this don't we?  The question is, why do we allow ourselves to add all of this extra stress, and disappointment, and sadness by creating plans that I can't and shouldn't try to pull off?

We need to truly say "God, I'm here.  I don't know where you're taking us, or why nothing is working out the way I thought it would, but I know that You are in control - and so I'm going to quit trying to make things happen myself and will trust that you'll bring us through."

Just one more cookie

I have a problem... it involves delicious food.  The problem is that as long as it is around I eat it.  Try as I may to eat in a more healthy fashion, if there are tasty treats to be found, soon there will not be.  There was a time in my life when I could get by eating whatever I wanted - however the clothes in my closet (that are apparently shrinking) are telling me to increase my intake of vegetables. 

This past week Alissa made some appreciation gifts that included some incredible desserts.  I have probably eaten my weight in these things... they are amazing.  My intuition tells me I need to stop (or maybe it's my belt), but I keep convincing myself that as soon as they're gone I'll start eating more healthy, but there always seems to be just one more cookie around.   I keep saying "This is the last time, then I'll be better."

We do this spiritually too.

There is that one area of our life that keeps coming back to haunt us.  We know it isn't healthy, we know that it has the potential to destroy us - but we trick ourselves into thinking that "this is the last time and then I'll stop for real."

I was talking to someone a few years back that had lost a lot of weight.  He said that it wasn't his particular diet that made him keep his weight off, but how he changed his mind set.  Instead of saying "this is the diet that I will use to lose weight," he said: "this is the way I eat now."  He simply changed the way he thought about eating.

The bible says similar things about how our life needs to change when we surrender to God.  Romans 12:2 states: "Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God."  It's not enough to try to stop sinning, we are transformed when our mind is renewed - when we look at things a different way, so we can allow God to transform us.

My father-in-law once pointed out that we should all just force ourselves to eat in a more healthy way, because an hour after you eat - you aren't still savoring that delicious fried chicken, you can no longer taste it.  (If you can you probably need to brush your teeth.)   For all your taste buds know, you have just completed a giant salad.  The only difference is that now you feel guilty.  Whenever I turn down junk food for carrots, I feel pretty good about myself.  How much greater do I feel when I can turn down the one more "cookie" in my life?

The bible says a lot of things about temptation - but the most important one for us is that God will never let you be tempted more than you are able to resist.  (Also know that it is not God tempting you, ever - see James 1:13.) Temptation is an opportunity, however, for God to see if you are willing to do what you say you will do.  The good news is that God is not a boss who is floating around with a clipboard, marking off all of the things you do wrong, or all the assignments you don't finish.  He is the
Dad sitting in the fan section of the bleachers yelling "you can make it" as you approach the next hurdle.  This doesn't mean that we can make all the mistakes we want and that God overlooks our sin - but it does mean that He is on your side.